I dont want the world to see me, Cuz I dont think that they understand.

oh well damn

2007-07-02T21:59:51Z

Its been so long since I was on here.
I dont have the internet at my house.
so I dont know when Ill get the chance
to get on here.
anyway here is an update.

FOOD WISE.
Im currently only letting myself eat between
75-340 cals a day.
this is
Activia yoghert for breakfast.
Protein shake for lunch.
chicken breast for dinner.
I refuse to eat on sundays

EXERCISE WISE.
Im doing 60mins of cardio
6 days a week.

LIFE WISE.
I live with my BoyFriend.
and my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I do is work and workout. lol
save money.
Life is actually going really good.
and besides my weight only being 98lbs
Im pretty happy. so yay.

Im watching my moms house the rest of the week
so Ill be able to update. but after that not so
much.

k

Love and Kisses

93lbs.

2007-03-12T12:39:02Z

The goal is to be 93lbs
by June 12.

I hate my body

hmm

2007-03-09T12:18:32Z

went to the gym yesterday
and burned 388 cals on the elap.
felt pretty good.
I dont think ill make it today
as i have to clean and wait for
the inspecter guy to come look
at the house.

:/

lost a pounds since yesterday.
Im pretty happy about that.
I got my scale back from my moms
soo YAY.

fail

2007-03-08T12:27:51Z

I was doing sooo good
yesterday. I didnt eat anything
was feeling great, went to the
gym and burned 276 cals. and then
I go home and have a diet soda.
then the EVIL 3 o'clock rolls
and around, and what do I do.
thats right, Binge.
I didnt purge though, Im scard
to death of getting in that
cycle.

eerr. Today is a new day though
right? so in stead of 30mins
at the gym, im going to do
60.

Im such a FAT failor.

sleep....

2007-03-07T12:45:50Z

Im so tired.
I wish I could just crawl
back into bed, but i have to
go to school.
:/
its only Wednesday!!!

Going to the gym today.
Im going to start going
back. To speed up losing weight

The Goal 97 lbs

socks

2007-03-06T13:11:43Z

^_^

2007-03-06T13:03:41Z

I am.
Fat.
Depressed.
Weak.
Angry.

I wish I could just wake up
and be skinny, I hate how
slow weight lose goes.

LAME

Lovely Bones

2007-03-06T01:30:48Z

I'd like to think it's all a dream
Someone please come and rescue me
Don't want to see my family torn
Left me with a soul without my lovely bones
We are alive tonight
I am free, free for the rest of my life and
Me it's out of my control
Without my lovely bones
I sit and watch my friends today
I'm gone and wish that I could stay
I guess this is how it's supposed to be
Left me with a soul without my lovely bones
We are alive tonight
I am free, free for the rest of my life and
Me it's out of my control
Without my lovely bones
As I was thinking forgot to swallow, a burning feeling about tomorrow
And I finally stop to find it written on your face
You did what you could for me, you did what you could for me
I sit and watch it all go by
My father wants to make it right
The secrets buried deep inside of me
Left me with a soul without my lovely bones
We are alive tonight
I am free, free for the rest of my life and
Me it's out of my control oh
Without my lovely bones
We are alive tonight
I am free, free for the rest of my life and
Me it's out of my control
Without my lovely bones

eeepp

2007-03-04T22:14:38Z

Every time I eat something
I get really dizzy and I feel like
im about to throw up.

uck uck.
food sucks.

its back to fasting. starting.....now.

:)

tramp-o-lin

2007-02-27T23:27:57Z

I got a mini trampolin yesterday
so i can bounce in my house. haha.
that thing kicks my ass.
I love it.
Everyone should get one. I got mine for
19 bucks. woo

xoxo

o.o

2007-02-26T14:22:29Z

Im fat

So basically...

2007-02-23T13:20:38Z

I went over to my moms
yesterday, went off and found
my scale. I fougt with myself for
30mins about getting on or not.
finally I got on and I wished I hadnt
instead of my numbers going down they
had went up!!
I dont undersand how this happen!!
I feel like a complete and totall failor.
This weekend Im just going to lay in bed
and not get out!!!

:(

^_^

2007-02-22T12:57:16Z

Today is going to be a good day.
I got my migraine meds, yesterday. I got new
ones, I dont have to eat with these just drink
a glass of water. sooo YAY. I still dont have
a scale. I know ive lost weight, I can feel it
I just wish I could see it. Need the scale. My
goal is be 97-95lbs by April.
I hate weighing 120lbs. i hate it, hate it hate it.

:/

La De Ta

2007-02-22T04:21:16Z

I hate my body
so fucking much.

stupid fat

amaaaazing

2007-02-21T16:49:03Z

So I was feeling down yesterday.
missing will and everything. But then
Adam called me and we talked for ever!!
we both have these really big crushes
on eachother, but before we could become
more then "just friends" he had to move.

:(

But we talk to eachother all the time on
the phone. He is coming back to town in
either April or May & is moving back with
me to Las Vegas. so yay. He really makes me
feel better about everything.

anyway.

Still fastting. I dont have a scale here
so I havnt weighed myself. Which is driving
me completely insane.

oh well.

Iris

2007-02-20T17:04:31Z

And Id give up forever to touch you
cause I know that you feel me somehow
Youre the closest to heaven that ill
Ever be
And I dont want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later its over
I just dont want to miss you tonight

And I dont want the world to see me
cause I dont think that theyd
Understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you cant fight the tears that aint
Coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know youre alive

And I dont want the world to see me
cause I dont think that theyd
Understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I dont want the world to see me
cause I dont think that theyd
Understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I dont want the world to see me
cause I dont think that theyd
Understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

o.o

2007-02-20T15:13:26Z

I have many things to do today.
I have to go to the doctor because I
didnt go to school today.
:/
I really hate school. I can't fucking
take that place. I want to drop out.
I have to go get a newspaper today to
because I need to find a new job so I
can save some money and get out of this
place.
THEN I have to go to the pound and talk
to them about aboting this dog. I think
that is going to be the highlight of my
day.

Im still fat.
Need to lose at least 30 pounds.

xoxo

pain

2007-02-19T21:35:02Z

I binged.
Purged
and then burned myself 7 times.

I fucking hate this!!

why doesnt anyone love me?
why do I have to be so miserable and
depressed all the time?

idoit

2007-02-19T18:35:17Z

Will has left me
for good this time. I hope anyway.
for another girl.
I cant him anymore, always needing
to go away for weeks at a time to
"step back and think about us
what the fuck ever.

Now I can get back to straving myself
without him saying, "stop it"

I secretly just want to go to sleep
and not wake up.

:/

longterm fast

2007-02-19T14:45:20Z

Im going to fast until im
in the double digets again.
I can not take this anymore.
Im not even a self-harmer but I
have started because I just can
not cope with anything anymore.

:/

Long-Term Fast starts NOW.

Secret #1

2007-02-18T19:22:49Z

Ok, Im back I went away for a bit to try to get better, I was eatting 900 calories a day, Im 120lbs now.

:/

I fucking hate myself and my body.
I have decided that physically and mentaly I NEED the control of my Eatting Disorder.
I want to be THIN.

Its what I want more then anything, If it takes dying
to get there.....Then so be it.

I fucking hate this. Im a fatass.

going to bed